Aloha 'oe

The last pennylane production posting for the year 2005. It's nearly midnight on December 22nd, seconds away from the very beginning of the 23rd--the day of our now 3rd take off to Hilo, Hawai'i.

i am overjoyed at the thought of Christmas morning with the two little ones filling the house with giggles and joy. That said, there is a bittersweet feeling that i no doubt will be trying to conceal.

Without going into too much explanation and detail, my grandparents house will be going up for sale in late 2006. This house where i spent every summer of my life from one years old until 22 years--will be soon reduced to a visceral memory. Goodbye to the creaky wooden floor, the tattered shoji doors, the ocean view, the intricate zodiac front door handle, the slippery orangey garage floor...

At the end of the day, or should i say, when we take our last breath of air on this planet, it matters very little what material objects we possess. Least of all what kind of house you occupied, invested, or grew up in. So it goes.

When you're a child, you feel the house you're most connected to will always be there. It never occurs to you that the wealth of your memories might not always have tangible footing in a particular room or hallway. As an adult, the memories seem to blend together powerfully into a quick film in my mind. It feels mildly devastating to think the house will soon reside solely in memory.

Here's a thought that soothes me: Perhaps one can feel OK to let go of a house when it is certain that its former inhabitants have taken flight. In that sense, i've recently seen my grandparents together laughing and happy in my dreams. I'm quite certain that they're continuing their world travels together. i think they're pretty much over the house. i hope to be as well...someday.

Positive bouyancy for this holiday season--that's my mantra.

A few songs that are tiptoeing quietly through the air here:

Misguided Angel---Cowboy Junkies
Love it when a song of theirs comes out of nowhere on the ipod shuffle. Comforting sadness.

Where's the Ocean---Toni Childs
First heard this song in 1993. It haunts me to this day. What do you see when you hear this song? i imagine a very foggy beach in the late morning or late afternoon. The time just before the sun comes up or goes down. And when i say it haunts me, it means i totally love it.

Perfect Skin---Lloyd Cole
"...she's inappropriate but she's much more fun..."

Pennylane Productions is signing off for the year but before i go:

Resolutions for 2006:

1. Eat more carbs
2. Italjet scooter (wait, that's not a resolution, but it is one less car...)
3. More acupuncture
4. More drums
5. Definitely more surfing
6. Less sneezing (see #3)