Under the Weather

I've been sick for 6 days straight now. It's to the point where I've forgotten what it is like to have energy for my own life. I don't mean to sound overly melodramatic, but it's true. Haven't you been so sick before that it completely knocks you down? I literally can't imagine what it's like to have had the energy to get all the way to S. San Francisco, work all day, come back, go to the gym, and still have energy to cook dinner?

Climbing stairs at home has been a Herculean effort. And if you've been here, you know that we have about 5-6 stairs leading to the loft. The dog has even been looking at me with her eerily humanlike "What's wrong with you?" look.

Being sick is almost like a vacation, but sleeping in your own bed, and no change of scenery. My wonderful Cappy has been running here and there for medication and juice, making me homemade chicken soup with tofu, and that sort of thing. I've picked up a book that I've been meaning to read for a very long time, am catching up on my New Yorker issues, am staring at the walls, sleeping...

In the sense of vacation, I mean that it's a severe mental break from work. I'm also finding myself missing every day things I used to enjoy. Meeting and catching up with good friends, going to the gym, shopping for groceries, seeing movies. I feel like I'm grounded.

Am not feeling sorry for myself, though it seems as such. I just am feeling really compounded by this lack of mobility. It could be much worse.

This past week has made me realise how tough it would be to not be able to live a life that is right before me. And I know this cough, fever, lung infection and lethargy will eventually fade away.... but it makes me sad for those who are afflicted with diseases that won't ever go away.

Dr. Jack Kevorkian has recently been released. I'm one who never felt he deserved to go to jail. It's sad that his assistance with the patient with Lou Gehrig's disease set off a controversy that blamed him for suggesting no other alternative for those afflicted with ALS.

I've never been close to the debilitative effects of any serious disease, and for that I am lucky and I hope to continue to be lucky. But I do feel that if it got to the point where my life didn't measure up for me, I would love the freedom to take control of my life. Inevitably, Kervorkian says that many who know they have the freedom to take their own lives, are imbued with more energy to fight their illness.

Thankfully Oregon gets it. And I really miss Track Town Pizza from Eugene. The best west coast pizza. Have got a serious pizza craving. Arinell in Berkeley or Track Town. Yummy. I must be feeling slightly better.