Dyke Dolls

Have you heard of the site/store called DYKEdolls ? Their aim is to "redefine culture one girl at a time." Whose culture, I wondered to myself?

Anyway, they sell the world's first lesbian action figure dolls. There are even different categories of Dykedolls: the butchie Bobbie dolls, Baby Dyke dolls, So Cal skater chick dolls, etc. You can even accessorize your dyke dolls with a leather harness/dildo or a tanktop and briefs. Unfortunately, there aren't any fanny pack-tie dye-Michigan-women's fest-mullet lesbians. Now that would make a killing, that's what I'd call a lesbian action figure.

Great concept, I say!

And get this, in addition to store locations in NYC, Baltimore, Virginia, and L.A., you can also get your Dyke Doll fix in Iceland, Spain, and Italy.

But get this---as you know, Asian adoptions are getting quite expensive these days. Korean babies seem to top the list, with Chinese babies slowly climbing the charts. So how can you get your own Asian baby for the low price of $11.00?

How about the dolls simply called "mommies?" Feast your eyes on the heartwarming image (just above) of two white mommies, Kelly and Christine, and their precious little Soo Jin. What the fuck!?! Apart from the fact that they resemble a papier mâché figure I made in high school, it's just wrong.

But then I was thinking, why isn't there a DYKEdoll boutique in Seoul? Too bad. How else will the little Soo Jins of Seoul dream of a better life with not one, but count 'em TWO white lesbian mommies in America?

Don't get me wrong, I think the concept of this company is great. Would I buy a dyke doll for myself or anyone else? No, but just like bobblehead dolls and Japanese comic books, I can appreciate the appeal for many.

In the mid-90's I spent a heartwrenching year (and a few months after that in the later 90's) in Seoul, South Korea. My main purpose wasn't to bring English to the Children of Choson, but to do some research on my own adoption.

To make a long story short, what I learned was pretty repulsive. KSS (Korean Social Services) had a pretty tight and greedy hold on anyone trying to conduct any blood relative research. Basically, if you wanted them to open a drawer to begin looking up your records, it was about $25, then for them to browse through some files, you're set back another $25, and so on.

Somehow, and with the help of a good friend/adoptee activist, I was finally able to visit the baby orphanage where I supposedly spent the first 9 months of my life. I was even given a special "tour" that was set up for me.

Imagine a room full of toddlers, boys and girls between the ages of 2-6 frolicking together in a room without furniture. Imagine a few raggedy dolls peering up at you from the floor--looking as sorry as the kids themselves.

The only light came from a large window way above their heads. Painful. Even more so to hear that some of the kids' parents actually lived down the road. Many kids were placed in the "orphanage" for reasons such as: "Their parents already have one girl and didn't want another," or "Her father just lost his job." Hmm. Perfect excuses to kick your kid down to the local orphanage.

I was also introduced to some "special kids" who had a room of their own. These were boys and girls with various handicaps, or downs syndrome. And to shield their special eyes from the light, let's just say this room saved the orphanage a lot on monthly electric bills.

All this for the love of bloodlines. I don't condone white women, or anyone who wants to adopt babies from Korea. But I am sickened by the attachment of Korean adoptees to a really great action figure concept.

What's wrong with white lesbians adopting Korean babies? Nothing. What's wrong with DYKEdolls promoting the Korean "baby mill" in the year 2006? Everything.

Wink

What is it with people (not cats) who wink? I'm not referring to the sassy come hither winks. I'm talking about the business wink. The at-work wink. What IS that? And how does the male corporate wink differ from the female corporate wink? What has brought this on? Let's explore this shall we?

i've been "winked" at by two different people at work. Once by a scruffy older gentleman with a corner office, who despite the immediate mental associations, is actually a cool guy. When I sat down with him in one of the first meetings i had with him, he threw his hands up at a chart and said, "This makes no fucking sense!" Brilliant, because I love people who curse out loud. The second winker is female. I'll get to her in a second...

So the older gentleman wink.... I was emerging from the kitchen with a frothy beverage, and he was headed in the opposite direction. I smiled my usual cubicles-are-not-meant-for-humans-but-I'm-pushing-through-the-pain grin, which was met by a quick and chirpy wink, if winks can be chirpy.

Here are my quick and dirty interpretations:

-"Hey...you're on my radar!"
Possible Meaning: I'm familiar with the work you've been doing, so keep it up?

-"How YOU doin'?"
Possible Meaning: This is how I greet ALL the ladies!

-"Hello there"
Possible Meaning: My bank account frickin' kills, how YOU doin'?

All reasonable guesses, none too offensive. My take on this is sociological. I mean, what's the point of letting that in?

But on to the second aforementioned female winker. The occurances are so random:

Situation 1:
I'm talking with someone and she walks by, and does the passing-by-wink

Situation 2:
We're talking about nonsensical things and she'll say, "so i basically eat an apple every morning.." and then the period-end-of-the-sentence-wink!

Situation 3:
I'm talking to other people, she walks into the room, catches my eye and there it is, another hey-i-see-you-wink!

For some reason, i find her winks to be less predictable, yet with more wacky interpretations. Quite frankly, I find them a bit annoying. They're like shorthand or something. Shorthand, for what? Is it a conspiratorial in-the-trenches thing, a secret club sans club thing, or an unconscious nervous thing? There's no need to decide!

So what would you say? Male winker: possible meaning 1, 2, or 3? Female winker: compulsive tick or hey-you're-my-people?

I really don't think that neither of the male nor female winks are flirty in nature, given the space in which they were delivered. And yes, you never know, but my senses tell me that the corporate wink is one that is part conspiratorial and part revelational.

One can easily keep a lot repressed in a corporate environment--true thoughts, feelings, opinions, attitudes, etc. So maybe the wink is the only harmless and untraceable flag that waves amongst people breathing recycled air? Its message can't be saved into a hard drive, not cc'd to anyone else, nor forwarded via voicemail. A well choreographed wink can simply disappear into the air, silent yet resolute....

Maybe I should stop analysing and start drafting my own wink strategy?

Request

A brief service announcement from Penny:

It has been a while now that I've entered the blogosphere--it's weird to think that I actually have a blog, quite honestly. We're talking of one who works in a high tech company, but is not one who gets overly excited with gadgetry and technology. I know, tell me about it. I feel like the only one working at Dunkin' Donuts who doesn't like pastries.

So now, a little over a year and 100+ blog postings later, I'm happy to be in regular correspondance with a few of my regular reader friends. Thank you for the continued support! Though you don't post your comments online, I do appreciate how your email comments turn into longer email discussions.

But what about the others?

Here's my humble request to other frequent "anonymous" posters and silent readers at pennylane productions. Yes, I'm talking to you! I've seen you here every other week or month or so. You click around, snicker, jeer, and maybe even roll your eyes a bit!? What's up? If you're a friend of mine, you've got my email--so drop a line every now and then! Tell me who you are, what you're up to, and what you really think.

I must say it feels rather odd to to know that regular anonymous comment posters or unidentified readers keep reading without saying hi. It's almost like people wandering through your house, opening drawers and looking at books on my nightstand--then quietly slipping out the back door. I suppose that's the "brilliance" of anonymous viewing--that fantastic and voyeuristic view into people's lives. But I'm no Zach Braff, who seems content with a website and thousands of anonymous readers and comments. Me? I'd like to know who I'm drivelling to.

Identify yourself, silent reader and/or occasional commenter. Cheers.

Lately:

-My quirky and unreliable Samsung phone has been dropped, slammed, and kicked one too many times. A co-worker suggested that I invest in a Sprint phone from Costco--thereby assuring me a phone for life with their return everything anytime policy. She claims a man had successfully returned a $3 bag of potato chips. What might have been the issue there? Too salty? An unreasonable ratio of oil to actual potato? Anyway, I was able to get a swanky ultra thin phone. Now I can treat camera snapshots of the Tubular One with sepia tones and little cartoon stamps. Brilliant--for those who like stuffed animals in cars.

-My venture into the world of academia has taken flight. That is to say, I'm gathering my passport, taking care of innoculations, trying out travel umbrellas, updating my Lonely Planets... Is it like riding a bike? I hope so.

-A few small trips... Cappy and I are looking forward to a family wedding in November. Las Vegas baby! Though, I guess the reception at the Bellagio won't be so bad : ) We also may be headed here for a taste of fall later in October with some friends. Apparently this place is LGBT and dog friendly!

-Latest Lotto fantasies:

1. Soundproof room with a killer drum set
2. Small condo in the city for convenience when I'll be spending more time near a library
3. House in Hawai'i for weekends and holidays (preferably Big Island--Puna or Hakalau)

And lastly, signs that you've got this nasty bug I've acquired:

-you can't get enough sleep
-you've got aches and pains
-you feel that feel you literally can't get out of bed for more than one day
-coffee doesn't taste/smell good

Ugh.

NYC

What can I say about our trip in the East Coast? It was all about the food, or a lot of it was. The best part about dining in NYC is definitely the possibility of 11 pm dinner reservations.

The dining experience was definitely a refreshing departure from the low fat/low cal California cuisine.

Here is a list of the highlights. My top 4:

Carnegie Deli
http://www.carnegiedeli.com
Totally famous and very touristy. Cappy had the "Woody Allen," 1/2 corned beef, 1/2 pastrami, and I had the pastrami. I probably should have had the corned beef as it was absolutely perfect. The sandwiches feature enough meat for a small family, a dish of 5-6 pickles, and crinkle-cut fries.

Now, I don't mean to be a buzzkill on this whole NY deli experience--but I thought it would be great to show the possibility of such a monstrous highly stacked sandwich, but then in actuality, serve something more reasonable. Or allow people to choose something they can actually finish. The highly stacked sandwiches struck me as kind of obscene. But Americans tend to have a soft spot (literally) for the sputtering over-the-top joy of oversized portions. In Tokyo, the "Woody Allen" sandwich could easily feed a family of four.

Unfortunately, we didn't have an appetite for the famous cheesecake, nor a sidedish knish. A knish, I've learned is essentially is a pastry packed potato. In any case, I did wonder--which kind of food is more aligned with heart disease? New York deli food or local Hawai'i lunch plates?

Aquagrill
http://www.aquagrill.com/menuspage.htm

Earlier in the summer I was a bit enthusiastic about our heavenly dinner experience at Aqua. My heart is still with Aqua, but our experience at Aquagrill was also something extraordinary.

We were blown into the front doors (literally, thanks to Ernesto) at 11 pm. The dining room was buzzing with energy as if it were 7.30 pm. I had Alaskan halibut that was as tender as sole with a sauce straight out of a small cafe on the Île-de-France. A light and slightly tangy Dungeness crab and watercress salad was carefully placed on top of the fish. Cappy went for the Diver Sea Scallops and risotto. I can't really comment further on her dish because I was quite wrapped up with the halibut and crab.

We ordered their special dessert, the "Saturday Night Soufflé." It was a lovely hazelnut soufflé with freshly dripped chocolate and kahlua sauce. We're not generally dessert gals, but who could resist? At the end of the night, the host/manager whispered to us that that the dessert chef had made one more soufflé for the staff. She then got us a small plate with a bit of it, which was also shared with the waiters. Nice.

Aquagrill is known for their friendly and laid back atmosphere. People are very real and hospitable. In fact, the biggest shock I had in NYC was seeing how friendly people were in SoHo, Tribeca, the West Village--all over really. People would go out of their way to help you.

In fact, I'm not sure this old NY joke stands anymore, at least not in the West Village area:

Question: How do you ask for the time in New York?
Answer: Do you have the time, or should I just go fuck myself?

Now it's more like...

Question: Do you have the time?
Answer: Sure--oh wait I don't. Let me walk you to a place with a great clock made of spoons and marzipan.


Balthazar
http://www.balthazarny.com/splash.html

A very Parisian experience in SoHo. Great, great great. Though NY is now smoke-free, I could still visualise the secondhand smoke hanging in the air as our cheese platter made it's way to our small table. Apparently, they've got an amazing brunch.

Sunny Palace
http://www.sunnypalace.com
Great dim sum. Chinese-Americans in Jersey. It's actually much better than anything Chinese I've had in the Bay Area or possibly even Vancouver B.C. for that matter.


Hobbit List:
These are places we'd like to have tried, but unfortunately don't have the Hobbit multiple-meal capacity, nor the will to make up for it with extra exercise:

1. Papaya King
http://www.papayaking.com
Hot dogs and a smoothie for under $3. Who could resist? We walked by this place, but we were heading elsewhere for dinner.

2. Degustation
http://events.nytimes.com/2006/06/21/dining/reviews/21rest.html
Check out the menu. I'm still sad we couldn't get to this one.

3. Jane
http://www.janerestaurant.com
Could we somehow airlift this place and plop it right down near Lake Merritt, Oakland?

NYC vs. SF

Food:
SF/NYC (tie, a very close tie)

Vibe:
NYC
For me, it kind of approximates the pre-dot.com SF--less attitude and less pretension from conservative transplants from the Midwest and East. And I may prefer the Korea-like passionate truth heartiness and soul, and creativity and energy.

Transportation:
NYC

Weather:
SF
No contest.

Energy:

SF
Ten years ago, my answer would have been NYC. Though I love the creative bustle of NYC, it now feels something I'd love to visit more frequently, rather than reside in. SF is thankfully far away from the neurotic state lines of New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and less about the I-can-trace-my-ancestors-to-the-Mayflower thing. Also, I love being close to nature with the amazement that you couldn't possibly be so close to a major metropolis.

Also, NY feels like a dysfunctional relationship. One that thrills and inspires, but drains and depletes. SF feels like a perpetual crush, less heavy on commitment, but easy to get caught up in for years that seem like weeks.

Place I'd rather live:
SF
Though--a loft in Manhattan to visit for shopping, dining, theater, music, and Christmas wouldn't be bad either.

Santa Barbara

Am writing this from Santa Barbara. Just got back from the East Coast, but had to make a quick work trip to the land of the perpetually tanned and just-out-of-the-spa peeps. Specifically, the township of immaculate shrubbery and exotic cars, a.k.a. Montecito. I'm staying here in a room facing the ocean that I can barely see through the coastal fog.

The last time I was in this "town" (or rather, a resort villa for the rich and famous) I ran into one of the rich and famous, literally. We nearly knocked each other over. See if you can guess who I'm talking about. Think 80's Brat Pack. Male. No, not Emilio Estevez. Not Judd Nelson--(wait--who else was in the Brat Pack anyway?? And why do I have all this useless knowledge in my head??) Need more hints? His brother was recently divorced from a two time Academy Award winner. OK, if you still don't know who I'm talking about, you're probably too young.

A few more clues/observations: he really does have rosy red cheeks, he's just a tad taller than I am, he drives a black Mercedes, and he's very polite. A couple of years ago, I was walking down State Street in a stride faster than my usual local Hawaiian turtle pace. I was looking up at a building on my right, and suddenly felt the side of someone hitting my left shoulder. I turned to my left and uttered a "oh sorry," and heard a familiar voice utter the same. I then heard a woman's voice call "Rob!" I looked up and realised that I ran into Rob Lowe. Woo hoo. Didn't he videotape himself and a few underage girls at a Democratic convention a few years back? Isn't he a total Schwarznegger supporter? Eeew.

So, here I am in Santa Barbara two years later. Once more for a work trip, but with a different company. I haven't run into a celebrity yet. I was too tired after our all day long meeting for any celebrity stalking. My co-worker here from Seoul would love to run into Brad Pitt though. How special.

The only person I'd like to run into today is someone who'd be willing to do a 2-hour Swedish Massage for free.

I'll be posting very soon about our trip to the East Coast. Here's a bit of a preview:

-We realised that the 295 and the 95 are not the New Jersey Turnpike, but totally lead you to it

-We experienced a "Woody Allen" at the Carnegie Deli

-We visited the Hogwartian Bryn Mawr and Mall-like UPenn

-Had some fun late nights in SoHo

-Saw Rent (my first time, Cappy's second...and I LOVED it)

More stories and observations to come. Notably, my case of culture shock and surprised appreciation of the very friendly and chill folks in NYC. It was amazing and quite surprising to have encountered people in NYC that were actually much friendlier than those in the Bay Area. I'm not kidding.

More on that later.