New Calling

This year i morphed into a smarmy Goth Captain Manson. Cappy became "Elvira the Mortal Immortal." A swashbuckling goth pirate and a vampire seductress. We took our alter egos on the road for a night of debauchery and public acts of wackiness. i pillaged for drinks and yummy appetizers. Cappy distracted people with her deathlike pallor, and brought a 17-month old bumblebee to tears on two occasions. Good times. Not good however, for a budding flu bug that's kicking me down as i type this.

Back in the day, pre-play dates, gps, ebay, and kid leashes, my brother and our friends would set out for hours into the neighborhood on Halloween. After a few hours, we'd return home with our large plastic pumpkin buckets filled to the brim. We'd turn over the pumpkins in the living room and meticulously divide up the candies. All candies sour, apple, cinnamon, and those nasty Necco wafers to him, and all chocolates, lollies, and chewy things for me.

Costumes of yesteryear:

-Jaws 4th grade
I was very sick a week before Halloween, but felt better the day of. By the time my mom and i got to the local drug store, the only costume left was Jaws. Great. The entire costume was packed into plastic bag which consisted of: a plastic shark mask, and a plastic frontal cape with "JAWS" written across the chest and a peaceful beach scene. i was a walking billboard for the movie. People didn't know if i was a girl or boy. My dad walked me around to a few houses on our block. We went to Universal Studios that year. i somehow ended up with a Jaws beach towel. It was a Jaws year and i hated Jaws, actually. Can i type that one more time in this paragraph? Jaws. Jesus.

-Cowgirl: 5th grade
All was fun and games until a neighbor hooligan sprayed shaving cream all over my new sheepskin leather vest that my grandparents sent over from New Zealand. i had a real holster and a cool hat. It was the early 70's--clearly, i had no role models.

I've forgotten most other costumes after that--fast forward to the 21st century--

-Crystalline Daniels, last year
Crystalline was my assigned character at our friends' Honky Tonk Homicide Murder Mystery dinner party. She was the town hussy. i had a faux leather/cheetah mini skirt, cowboy boots, and a pink webbed shirt. i poured whiskey shots for people all night. Cappy was Twyla Fleetwood, Bingo pro and trailer park owner. Sexy.

I'm feeling it's time for a wardrobe overhaul. Would love to rip all the Banana Republic out of my closet and be a goth pirate year round.

That's it, i'll create a new line, what do you think of:

Corporate Goth
Business Pirate Casual
Executive Goth
Smart Pirate Goth

Guidelines for my new line in the workplace:

Goth Pirate Casual is crisp, dapper, and should look appropriate even for a chance meeting with a CEO. It should not look like cocktail or party or picnic attire. Avoid pastel or khaki; Goth Pirate is classic rather than preppy.

Basics: Leather pants tucked into laced up boots, , and a non-pressed long-sleeved, buttoned solid shirt are safe for both men and women. Bauhaus t-shirts, unwrinkled, are an appropriate choice if you know the environment will be quite casual, outdoors, or in a very hot location.

Shoes /belt: Wear a leather belt and leather shoes. Athletic shoes are inappropriate in most occasions except for athletics.

Details: Everything should be clean, well pressed, and dark black. Any black after a few washings may not be your best choice. Note: velvets and shimmery fabrics suitable for parties are totally appropriate for long days at the computer.

Jewelry: If you choose to wear other jewelry, do not be conservative. Removing earrings and piercings are not acceptable. For conservative industries, wear more black than usual. Observe others in your industry to see what is acceptable, then go for the opposite.

Accessories: Keep your choices savage and leaning toward the questionable. Gravitate towards extremes of style and color.

Cosmetics: Keep makeup heavy and dark. A bit more is usually better than none for a polished business goth look. Maintain extremes of nail length and polish especially in conservative industries.

I might have to put off my Foley Artist/Zamboni Driver dreams here. i think i've discovered my new calling...